Vipassana vs lockdown

Last year i spend 10 days in a Vipassana centre in Malaysia, a special gift to myself for my birthday. Now I will be in a lockdown for a month in Taghazout (Morocco) for my birthday. A gift of the universe?

What is Vipassana?

Vipassana, which means to see things as they really are, is one of India's most ancient techniques of meditation .

Vipassana is a way of self-transformation through self-observation. It focuses on the deep interconnection between mind and body, which can be experienced directly by disciplined attention to the physical sensations that form the life of the body, and that continuously interconnect and condition the life of the mind. It is this observation-based, self-exploratory journey to the common root of mind and body that dissolves mental impurity, resulting in a balanced mind full of love and compassion.

dhamma

Vipassana

When you go into vipassana you’re actually agreeing on some basic percepts: 

1. to abstain from killing any being;

2. to abstain from stealing;

3. to abstain from all sexual activity;

4. to abstain from telling lies;

5. to abstain from all intoxicants.

Furthermore all students must observe noble silence from day 1 until the morning of the last day (Silence of body, speech and mind). Any form of communication is forbidden from eyecontact to gestures to notes), also smoking, phones, cameras, alcohol, drugs, outside contact, music, reading and writing are prohibited. No small talk, no wifi, these 2 things sounded like music in my ears. Definitely after working in a supermarket for a few months where you only hear small talk at the checkout. And free food and accommodation. Why not try this out and go with an open mind and maybe it actually will help me.  I had just cycled for 3 weeks through Bali and Lombok and arrived the evening before in Kuala Lumpur. The next day there was a 4 hour bus to the centre, where i would spend 10 days. I decided to not talk on the bus and just listen to music. When we arrived, far away from anything. I had to give away my belongings (well i left most of my stuff in Kuala lumpur anyway in a hostel). They explained some stuff and send me to a room and then the course started, but i already hadn’t spoken for a whole day (this would never be the hard part of this anyway for me).

Experience

The hardest part for me would be the meditation position, to do that everyday for 10 hours and that for 10 days. For people who know me they would never describe as flexible, rather the opposite. So, i thought that would be the hardest part of it, little that i knew at that moment. The first days would prove me right. The first days we had the pay attention to our breathing. Just focus on our breathing. The struggle was the pain i had to sit and as stubborn i am, i didn’t want to use more than 1 pillow in the beginning, what i changed after 20 hours of having pain. But after 3 full days i was feeling great, my thought were still going away some times but things were just nice and simple. I loved it so far and was in peace with myself (i thought) except the physical pain but it wasn’t that bad, it was actually getting better. But then when we actually went over to the vipassana, everything changed. The moment we had to scan through to our body. I suddenly had a big headic (a headic i never experienced before), that didn’t want to go away and it went super hard to concentrate and actually practice the vipassana. I had a hard time and things weren’t going well anymore, many times i thought about giving up, but then i remembered that those words aren’t written in my personal dictionary.  At the end of day 7 when the headic got less i started feeling sick, then i thought i might have gotten sick by the cold temperature in the airplane and  the aircon in the bus in Malaysia or i had driven my body to the ultimate. But again i didn’t give up, i just reduced my hours of meditation a bit to more sleep. The last full day i finally got through the sickness but it was maybe already too late because i was somewhere stuck in the process around day 4. In the end i was happy i actually kept going but the question is still in my head if the pain was of being sick or was it all connected? Maybe for me 10 days was not enough or maybe i have to do another one. I would definitely do this course again and maybe things go different and i get more answers or even more questions. Where i thought physically would be the hardest thing was true but it was more a different kind of physical test than what i had in mind and different kind of mental too. I wanted to keep going actually at day 10 but somewhere i was happy too that it was finished because it were maybe physically and mentally the 10 hardest days of my life. When i left i went through living on a small island in Malaysia and the amount of sleep i did there in the first days was incredible high, that is when i knew i had driven my body to the ultimate.  For me going back to social media and actually talk to people was much harder than the opposite way. Basically I only use phones and social media, for other people. It is not something you use for yourself. Definitely if you travel or live abroad, to tell about your adventures and show pictures and make sure that everyone is not worried about you. Something I already learned before, my life is so much better since i deleted every news or information from my social media and actually just use it for myself. Lockdown in Morocco My lockdown will be a month or longer in the same surfcamp/hostel where i was working reception before. In Taghazout a touristic hotspot for surfers, Now it  is more looks like a ghost town. Morocco closed their borders very fast. On 15 March they closed all their borders after closing it before with most dangerous regions in europe. On 16 March all restaurants and cafés were closed. All this came in action when there were only 28 cases detected most of them were European travellers. Morocco acted fast and direct but the cases still grow everyday. On friday 20th March the emergency state was declared for 1 month. You can only leave the house if you have a document (only 1 a household), even for shopping. Why not go back home? First of all I feel more safe here than going back. I feel like the Moroccon government is doing a really good job, they acted fast and hard. Although my decision came actually there when I heard the borders were closed and the restaurants. On that moment Belgium was getting really bad and they were closing everything too (although not even that hard). My decision was made on the fact that everyone would leave and i would be still be able to leave the house. I was basically not doing anything outside the house than going for a surf. I saw a month ahead of me of surfing everyday in empty line ups. Living the dream. So the news that we couldn’t leave the house anymore kind of hit me hard. Because i don’t see the problem in surfing. But i still prefer to be in a lockdown in sunny and nice weather on a rooftop, than in the cold. The thing is, I rather be far away as possible from the hectic that is going on in Europe.  Like many travellers my plans got disturbed, i was meant to go to Portugal on 1 April, working in a hostel. I might still go there (but everything is on a hold now) after this whole situation but that will depend on so many factors. What i know is that my flight got cancelled and that going back to Europe is/was no option to me. Because the most risky thing now would be going on a plane or any transport.  For me it was clear from the first second that the only reasonable option was to stay where i was. I can’t complain here, i get accommodation and food, i can spend time in my blog, write, make some drawings again, get back to meditation and maybe do some yoga or exercises too (yes, people who know me i am really good in making excuses for these last two but since the lockdown i am getting out of reasons, still haven't done any though) Also i started back with my Spanish, watching tv-shows, movies, speak with my colleague only in Spanish (ok, we have been saying this from when i arrived here, but it never really happens, but let's try again).  Differences The biggest difference between vipassana last year and the lockdown now is that vipassana was a choice. What makes the lockdown so much harder in a mentally view, at least in the beginning, although i decided to do the lockdown in Morocco. It kind of already hit me from the beginning, especially the fact that i can’t go out to surf anymore and the sudden realisation of being far away from everyone i love. In al my travels i have never felt so lonely and anxious about something. Although there are people around me (a Moroccan family and with the internet everyone is close), I never experienced anything like this before. Normally i love being on my own but it is not really that, it is a kind of empty feeling that comes over me. Normally in those situations i want my time alone (go on a hike or go surfing) but now i have no clue what to do. I have nowhere to go, i can't do the frustration out of my body. I am sure there are more people experiencing this now. Although i think i am doing well overall and good here, it will come over me from time to time. Most of my time is actually awesome, i don't have to do anything. It is like being on vacation in a resort but without the pool and bar and without people. Like i said i am just trying to make the best of it and be creative and use my time well.

Another difference is during vipassana you have to follow a strict program, in this lockdown there is no program, so you can fill up your day like you want. I am not really the person to actually have structure in my life. I don't really have a schedule for my days but i notice most of my days are the same. I read that people are recommending people to have structure during these days but who am i to tell you what to do.

Most of my days are full of stuff I wouldn't not be able to do while i was in the vipassana and it actually makes me think how i did not miss those things while i was in the centre.

conclusion

In the end I am not going to say what is harder or what is more difficult because it is for every person different. But Vipassana is a choice and you should think about it before you do it and the lockdown i would say use the time as good as you can. I am not going to tell you what you should do but be creative and think about it for yourself. Maybe you want to be super productive, try out new things, learn a new language or dream about your future travels or maybe you can think about your life, stand still for a moment and breathe. All can be great options to do or you can do them all (basically what i am doing, because i change my mind all the time)

“The most adventurous journey to embark on is the journey to yourself, the most exciting thing to discover is who you really are, the most treasured pieces that you can find are all the pieces of you, the most special portrait you can recognise is the portrait of your soul.”

C. JoyBell C.